Coming from the saying in the title, I feel like that sums up the point of this article very well. “But does it really?”, comes to my mind out of nowhere. Being a considerate and open person, I take it from there: “ok, so how could it be better?”. As the doubt, that sparked up at the beginning, gets bit by bit more of my attention, so do more thoughts and possible options start arising – one by one, more and more, until it inevitably becomes and avalanche, that buries my original creativity and leaves me crippled, anxious, frustrated or annoyed, to only name the most common results. Does that sound familiar to you? If so, chances are you’ve likely strived to “be perfect” at some point or even on a regular basis.
I’m describing the crippling effects of perfectionism. As humans experiencing life, with our multitude of layers and complex aspects, we’ve somehow started to incline towards “being perfect”, in one way or another. In this article I want to talk about perfection(ism) and some of my experiences and insights about it. How it can go from simple desire to “do better”, to subtle overcompensation, to a gnawing irritability, to (potentially, if unattended) full blown extremism or more accurate: dangerous (fatal) illusion. Um, let’s read on to hopefully avoid that last one… 🫢
Now, “be perfect” isn’t quite what people usually mean when we say “be the best that you can be” or “be the best version of yourself“, just to be completely clear. Everyone of us innately is already perfect (speaking from a more “cosmic” perspective), but also our individual perception of “what is perfect” vastly differs from one another. So let’s start out by taking a look at what we’ve “objectively” begun to comprehend as perfect: for example, the first response that comes to my mind would be: “someone is perfect, when they have a well paying job and successful career, a big house and nice car(s)/things, a perfect family…”. Would that resonate with your very initial thought of perfect too? If we take a closer look at that (very text-book) example I gave – everything mentioned stems from outside the person who is supposedly perfect. That is a strong indicator of how very materialistically we’ve been conditioned to view our reality. It is just this line of thought like “when I have [this and this], my life will be perfect” that is causing most of todays mental- and general health ailments, like stress, burning out, depression and chronic fatigue (not to mention the very cause of OCD and similar mental disorders). That is because we are still inclined to relentlessly achieving our goals, mostly “just to have/possess something or be in a position of (seeming) power and/or control”, forgetting or even dismissing our health and emotional/psychological or even societal wellbeing. It is a very “ego-based” thought pattern, friends. One, as we know, that doesn’t have an end to it. At least, not a very uplifting one, if left unattended.
Luckily, as human consciousness is starting to expand (rapidly, I might add) and as we are coming in contact with our more spiritual, creative, gentle and conscious/aware nature, there’s an increasingly more emphasis on the more “core” values, like character, interaction, good intention, being open, etc. that are slowly but surely filling in the gaps of a much more complete version of “perfect”. That being said, let’s try to break down perfectionism a little further nonetheless and explain how “the good kind of perfectionism” differs from “the rather bad (arguably dangerous) kind of perfectionism”.
Different kinds of perfectionism
By “the good kind of perfectionism” I mean, that the better version of perfectionism is the one that encourages us to strive for “a little bit better”, “do just a little more next time” and the like; pushing or rather extending your comfort zone in an appropriate way, helping you reach your true potential. That is a very healthy approach to growth, both personal and general. In this form it is highly encouraged and a very useful skill/trait to have, when achieving your goals. In practice it would be easiest to explain with using someone as a role model – to have someone to (temporarily or situationally) measure up to. That someone should be a healthy perfectionist too, of course, ideally. Lots of successful sportsmen and women, for example, have had this form of healthy perfectionism in their toolkit when they were reaching for the top position and still keep practicing it to-date. A lot of them even attribute the most relevancy to that trait as it ties in closely to necessary consistency, aswell. This is also one way of how comparison isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can have benefits when knowing your limits, of course. All in all, this form of perfectionism is very grounded and can be thoroughly beneficial in many aspects. A different story is the “trap of the mind”, the other kind of perfectionism.
The “not so great” type of perfectionism
I’ve heard an interesting saying about success and/or successful people, that I tend to frequent when starting to dwindle down to the bad/dangerous kind of perfectionism: “winners focus on the goal/getting better, while losers focus on winners“. (I’d put the spiritual/growth term as “getting better = elevating themselves while having fun”, personally). When we focus too much and measure up too much to someone or something, our reality starts to bend into illusion. It becomes realistically unfeasible and out of (realistic) bounds. Through our illusory/ego-based perception, our perceived “goal” becomes limited to solely “being as good as or better than that winner” or “just possessing that thing” or “achieving that state/feat”, without much of reasoning and conscious effort behind it. By that our actual goal becomes shrouded in a foggy image, being completely dismissed and of course it’s to no surprise that we are then unable to accomplish it and ultimately suffer (and complain) even more, when we “fail an un-winnable battle”. This kind of perfectionism is very ego/materialistically driven, as mentioned before. Luckily, again, with increasing awareness we are starting to see through this mind trap. One way of breaking this cycle is to ask yourself: “what do I really want to gain by being perfect in this case?” or better: “for what, within myself, am I trying to compensate with this excess perfectionism?”. The root cause of this is usually an unbalanced sense of safety, belonging, acceptance or pride of yourself. Only by acknowledging this emotional or psychological instability/unbalance can the root be properly tackled. Ask yourself: How can you better meet this need without trying to be perfect?
“Perfection is a myth”
At the end of the day; at the end of everything/time, every single one of us is perfect, just the way we are. That is individualistically speaking, of course. But just like “the law of accumulation” (as I’ve just now learned, that it is in fact a factual thing!), which says something along the lines of: “every great (financial) achievement is an accumulation of hundreds of small efforts and sacrifices that no one ever sees or appreciates“, this has greater meaning. Something that goes somewhat ignored nowadays (or silently follows the entire time) is, that:
“A good, well built, strong and prosperous community/society is built from/through many good, well built, strong and prosperous individuals.”
Žiga Grušovnik
= again, every single one of us. (There is a consideration of “individual vs. society”, even in an evolutionary concept, not to be dismissive, but for the time being, I’ll leave that to those, who work directly with/on that or for another discussion/article). It is only through our own (learned/acquired) perception that we start overcomepensating, competing and trying to reach “perfection” (=an illusion) by overthrow each other instead of growing together.
“It always helps to have solid footing beneath our feet – our dance(ing) of life, experience and souls becomes much more magical that way.” 😉
Žiga Grušovnik
The saying “Be the change you want to see in the world” hasn’t come more handy – as we, together, still form society it is in a part reflecting our own perception back at us: when we see society or our surroundings as faulty, negative, destructive, “imperfect”, that just might be what we “perfectionalistically” see of ourselves. Instead be “the your perfect version of yourself” and your world-experience is sure to turn into your example. 🙂
What is your take on perfection(ism)? What is perfect for you? Did this article send some senses spiraling due to it not being perfect? 😛 Have you learned to tame it and are using it to your advantage? Or are you perhaps struggling with it? If you are, or know anyone who is, be sure to contact us to assess your situation better and prepare footing, from where you can change this habit into a useful trait.
Until next time stay safe, grounded and I’ll see/read you in another moment in time. 😀
Moment in time 